This is a vast topic and I don't know why I am even attempting to write on this - but I am!
Why? I see so many many people around struggling with letting go. These are especially women between their 30s and 70s. While we can always blame the hormones - is there nothing we can do to change this attitude?
More often than not, I have seen women get irritated with the simplest of things if not done their way. I am guilty of this too, so I will not brag about being the best. But yes, I am aware that this happens, so I try to consciously change this behaviour. I mean, what is the worst that can happen if the mugs are kept elsewhere once, or the house help didn't clean properly or came in late, or there was some extra leftover, or the clothes were not too clean or slightly stained or not ironed on a particular day? Seriously, WHAT WILL HAPPEN?
If we just sit down to think over it, we will know, IT IS OKAY! Somehow, as women, we are always under the pressure of keeping things perfect at home, and while I understand the quest for perfection, my dear ladies, I also know that we need to chill!
Constantly being on the run for the daily chores makes us so mechanical that sometimes we do not realise what someone else is going through or what we need ourselves! The house help may be having a bad day or an ill family member, or you might be having some aches and pains of your own, but because you're working, you're getting irritated and making life difficult for others.
Why can't we take a break and sit down for a few minutes of introspection? You will say, the work will pile up and we will have way more to do later. So what? Do not cook one day. Do not clean or dust for one day. My therapist taught me this - what is the worst that can happen? And I swear by this now. For half your stresses, anxieties and worries, this is the ultimate mantra. Not feeling good on a particular day? It is fine, take a break, see what you can delegate, postpone, or manage, and work accordingly. Ask yourself what you feel and why. What will make you feel good? Do it.
I see my mother and mother-in-law, and most of that generation brooding over things out of their control and over perfection. I have told this before and will repeat - there is no such thing as perfect. What you are happy with is perfect. There is no end to getting better and best. Be happy with the best that you can manage. All our lives, we women are taught to live for others - look after our in-laws, parents, husband, and children - give them a priority, keep them happy, and our life should revolve around pleasing them.
All this goes on until they turn say 50 or 60. Then the in-laws are no more, children have gone their way, and the husband is simply out of bounds. Then? The woman does not know what to do with her life suddenly! She has been living for others all this while but now what? She gets irritable and feels nobody loves her or wants her, she tries to do the things she used to do earlier and tries to care for everyone, but it is not appreciated. Who is at fault?
This is why it is important for women to have something for themselves alone - no matter what. It should not be related to any family member and be something that interests them deeply. Be it a hobby, a business, an art, social work - just about anything. Just do it for yourself. Make a retirement plan! Please please do. All our lives we think that we'll live peacefully when we retire - but when the time actually comes, there are way too many hiccups.
So be better prepared. Look after your health and well-being. Do things just for yourself. So when the time for retirement comes, you're not anxious and overwhelmed, but calm and peaceful.
I hope I have been able to put things in perspective without sounding confusing. Do tell me if this has helped you in any way. I am striving to be a better person - along with making life better for those around me and I am hopeful to succeed. Take care, ladies!